Post Secret: Every time I go to the orthodontist I fear he will see my mustache.

Lights come up on WOMAN sitting in her car outside of the dentist office. She is looking n her mirror, trying to pluck hairs out of her upper lip with her fingers.

WOMAN
[trying to pluck hairs, quietly]
Ow. [trying again] Ow, fuck. [trying again Ow! [slamming the back of her head into the seat, growling, emotional] Arrgggghhh. [near tears] I knew I should have bleached it! [pause] I can't go in there, every one will be able to see it! Especially Dr. Smiley.... He'll think I'm so ugly.... She will probably make fun of me. Stupid Shannon, shes not even smart. She probably just got confused when she was being trained to be a "Oral Assistant." I can imagine how disappointed she must have been when she found out she wouldn't be giving head for a living. Ha. [pause]Oh god I can hear them now. [lifting up her hands to make puppets to mimic Dr. Smiley and Shannon. Girlie voice Hahaha, like oh my god Dr. Smiley, did you see Anna's hairy face, she looks like a total man. [ deep manly voice Oh I know Shannon, I'm surprised she didn't have a full fledged beard. [girlie voice] Hee hee hee! Oh I know, she must like put miracle grow on her face! Hahahah! [manly voice] She is the ugliest thing I have ever seen, I could never date a woman like that, it would feel like I was with a man. Now a woman like you... [girlie voice] Oh, Dr. Smiley, you are such a kidder heeheehee! [WOMAN pauses, switching gears, girlie voice, flirty You know Dr. Smiley, I am a trained oral assistant. [manly voice] Oh really... care to demonstrate your skills? [girlie voice] For you Dr. Smiley, I'll do anything.

WOMAN makes hands start kissing, for a few seconds. The hand that represents SHANNON turns and "looks" at WOMAN. Girlie voice Oh my god, look! It's the bearded lady! I didn't know the circus was in town, hahaha!. [ regular WOMANS voice, too hand] Hey shut up, you whore. [girlie voice] Dr. Smiley, did you hear what she just called me!? Do something. [WOMAN puts down the hand representing DR. SMILEY, girlie voice] Dr. Smiley? [WOMANS voice] Thats right, its just you and me now bitch. [girlie voice] Ha, like what are you going to do to me? Theres nothing you can do. I am an Oral assistant! [WOMANS voice]Yeah? [girlie voice] YEAH! [WOMAN opens car door and slams it on her own hand over and over again] Take that! You stupid bitch! [girlie voice] Ah! help me, help me!

Lights fade on WOMAN slamming her hand in the car door over and over again, "SHANNON" pleading.

Lights come up on WOMAN sitting in the emergency room with her hand wrapped in a bloody towel, Dr. Don standing over her

DR. DON
So, how did this happen.

WOMAN
Well....

lights black out.