Post Secret: Every time I go to the zoo, I just think about how each animal would taste.

Lights come up on a zoo. People are pushing shopping carts, and carrying shopping baskets. At every cage the are ticket dispensers. Inside the cages are various animals milling around and butchers. There are also display cases with different kinds of meat in them.

BUTCHER
81?! Number 81?!

MAN
Yes, that's me.

BUTCHER
what can I get for you?

MAN
Could I get a pound, no a pound and a half of the ostrich breast and..... and four pounds of the ground buffalo?

BUTCHER wraps up MANS meat and hands it to him.

BUTHER
Sure thing.

BUTCHER
82?! 82?! [pause] 83?!

WOMAN
Hi. Can I get a some antelope liver and... oh you guys are out of zebra steaks. You don't have anymore do you?

BUTCHER
We could butcher one for you is you would like.

All animals stop in their tracks.

WOMAN
Would you mind?

BUTCHER
It will be about 45 minutes if you want to get the rest of your shopping done.

WOMAN
Okay thank you.

WOMAN exits.

BUTHCER
Paul! I need you to knock a zebra.

One of the other butchers approaches the animals, all scatter but one unobservant zebra. The other butcher grabs it by the neck.

ZEBRA
Oh god! Oh please no!

OTHER BUTCHER
Oh shut up, it won't be that bad.

ZEBRA
Please don't! I'll Do ANYTHING! Take Roger instead, hes much fatter! Please sir!

OTHER BUTCHER
[dragging zebra offstage]
If you don't shut the hell up I won't even knock you out before I slit you throat. So SHUT UP!

OTHER BUTCHER drags zebra offstage lights fade.

Lights come up on the zoo, WOMAN is reentering.

WOMAN
Hi remember me? I wanted the zebra?

BUTCHER
Oh yes, we just finished it.

WOMAN
Thanks. Can I have 3 zebra steaks, about an inch thick?

BUTCHER
Sure thing ma'am

BUTCHER wraps up the meat and hands it to WOMAN.

WOMAN
I just love zebra, its kind of sweet, isn't that odd? Sweet meat?

BUTCHER
You know if you rub salt on that before you put it in a marinade, it will be the perfect combination of sweet and salty. And the salt really brings out the flavor in the marinade.

WOMAN
Thanks, I'll try that. Have A nice day.

BUTCHER
You to ma'am.

WOMAN exits.

BUTCHER
21?! 21?!

OLD WOMAN
Hello [looks in the case] Oh no, you're out of lion...

BUTCHER
Oh that's okay ma'am we can butcher one for you right now

all animals freeze

BUTCHER
it will be nice and fresh

OLD WOMAN
Oh.. well that sounds quite lovely, thank you.

BUTCHER
It will be about 45 minutes if you want to get the rest of your shopping done.

OLD WOMAN
Good idea, I think I will do that.

OLD WOMAN exits.

BUTCHER
Paul!

Lights black out.